Tag Archives: mom

Nona, the enabler.

The dilemma: What kind of relationship should I encourage Nugget to have with my mother, her Nona and the enabler?

Happy Nugget with family.

Nugget’s  sense of belonging when she visits her extended family is evident. The moment we enter their company, she squeals with joy and bolts for them, leaving us behind as if we’re her chauffeurs, and after arriving at her destination, it’s understood that we should make ourselves scarce.

Growing up in Texas, I traveled to Massachusetts for family visits every few years.  To their credit, my parents attempted to foster a relationship between us kids and the New England family, but with the exception of an aunt and uncle on my mother’s side, no dice.

In hindsight, I think part of it was that I had heard stories about my grandfather, who softened in his older years but as a young man was an “SOB,” as my father would say.  This was our family’s euphemism for a violent alcoholic.  And, because he was Irish, his behaviors were romanticized as charming.

As a little girl, my grandfather handled me with care and tenderness, but I felt the remnants of his meanness and I was never comfortable with him. My feelings for him pretty much colored my feelings toward the rest of my family. Continue reading


EMDR, Francine Shapiro and Vibrators

Does anyone find it strange that you can hold two vibrators to rewire things in your brain?  I can’t shake this thought as my therapist hands over the mouse-like vibrators used for EMDR. I know there’s a headphone option and some eye thing that you can do, but I started with the vibrators and I’m a creature of habit.

Still, I couldn’t help but to think about the person who thought “Eureka! Vibrators are the answer for trauma survivors!”  I googled EMDR and voilà, up came www.emdr.com. How easy they made it.  Apparently the brilliant person is Francine Shapiro, Ph.D. She looks nice enough.

Healer Lady talked to me about EMDR several times before I finally took the leap. I was chicken about the whole thing. Mostly it was because I just didn’t get it. It was a little too hippie-dippie for my taste. I couldn’t imagine how rolling my eyes around, listening to an annoying beep or holding a vibrator in the wrong spot was going to do me any good.  But  Healer Lady pressed on in that therapeutic way she does and I finally caved.

One EMDR session later and I was a believer.  It was amazing. I thought I was damn near close to Continue reading


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